Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
