hotel room ftw
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
