We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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