So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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