Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
