you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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