i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
false alarm, still single
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
