whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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