how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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