I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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