I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
