Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
