so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
