when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
