I just cut my nipple shaving
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
