All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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