Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
