first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
