I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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