you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
