ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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