Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
