she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
