How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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