I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
