It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I need moral support for this bender
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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