Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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