sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
