Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
