Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
