is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
