I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
