I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
