I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
