the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Pooping to opera.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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