ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
