Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
