she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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