He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
