my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
