what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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