I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
