Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
