Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am one with the molecules
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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