we have pet lesbian snakes
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
