I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
