I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize
