An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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