All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
