I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
