i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
