You're completely useless in the revolution.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
