She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
